Stuck Stuck Stuck

This holiday, a thought suddenly popped up in to my mind. I shocked because I mostly think about shallow things, but then my mind said that (quoting the lyric from U2)

“ … stuck in the moment that you can’t get out of it …”

Lalalala,… At the first time, I tried so hard to ignore that thing. But, the more I ignore it, the stronger it becomes. It is a reality that I’m stuck and stuck and stuck.

I am walking on the same spot for over and over again. I can’t find any progress inside of me that I can be proud of it.

Maturity – I’m 22 and I still can’t control my emotion and anger. I’m not passion enough just like the way I act when I was 13.

English Eloquency – I can’t sense any progression after spending 6 semesters studying English literature. It seems that I only pursue the diploma certificate, not the discipline itself.

Cooking skill – I always believes that cooking needs a talent that a person has since he/she was born. No matter how hard I try, how fresh the ingredients, how precise I combine them, there will be no great delicious food I’ve ever made. It is not in my blood! That’s why I disagree about the idea that a woman has to be a great cook.

Path to the bright future – at this point I just can’t see myself in the next 10 years. It is so blurry. I used to have a dream job to be a writer, but it seems that I don’t have enough energy to continue that. Then I tried to set up another dream job. It just turns to be another empty dream that I can’t reach. I even can’t see myself as a fulltime housewife that dedicate my ages to cook, wash, raise the children, shop, and do things the housewives usually do.

Love life – well, dating the same guy for six years, somehow, creates a sense of addiction rather than explosive passion.

Well, at least I have a progress in one thing. I’m getting better in grumbling, I guess.